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Is she a fling or the real thing?

By Dr Pam Spurr
Is she a fling or the real thing?
Related articles
MSN's relationship and behaviour expert Dr Pam Spurr reveals 10 signs to tell whether it's going to last or not.

A very new relationship can be tricky to work out — one minute you can't wait to see her, the next you're not that bothered. Sometimes you're not even sure how you want it to pan out.

But the anxiety sets in when you start thinking you might really like her. You catch yourself wondering in the early stages just how serious it might become.

Sure, with some women you'd be very happy that it's short, sweet and simple. If she's someone special, though, and after getting together a few times you're wondering what your real feelings are, check out these 10 signs. They'll sort out how potentially deep your feelings are — and whether she's just a fling or the real thing.

1. You actually find yourself wanting to talk to her on your own and not surrounded by your mates — usually you'd rather have your mates around when you're seeing a girl. They're still important but you definitely want one-on-one time with her that isn't just in the bedroom... although obviously that's nice too.

2. You've no desire to "keep her waiting" for a text from you. You're not going to be her lapdog but on the other hand you don't want to play games like the 'two-day rule' for ringing her.

3. You've already got a little nickname for her — in your mind at least, even if you haven't called her it yet. But you know it's going to slip out sometime soon!

4. You notice the little things about her that you wouldn't normally about someone you've only seen a few times. The way her hair curls, the colour of her nail varnish, how she answers the phone and signs off her texts and emails, and more.

5. You've always hated Thai food but you're happy to go to her favourite Thai restaurant figuring maybe you haven't given this Eastern cuisine a fair shot. You're actually feeling quite rational about going with this choice of hers, rather than feeling put out.

6. You find you really can't wait to see her. And no, it's not just about diving into bed with her — it's something you can't quite put your finger on about being in her company. It just feels good being with her.

7. Surprisingly you're quite happy to hang out with her pals — even the annoying one who doesn't seem to like you. Inside you figure if it makes her happy being with them, you want to get to know them too.

8. It's hard to get her off your mind even when you're playing seven-a-side rugby at the weekend. All you can think about is the way she smiles and the things she says... the clothes she wears, the little things she does... and your friends are noticing!

9. You want to put her first when choosing things like where you're going to hang out that evening and who you'll see. When usually you want to go where you want and see who you want.

10. She doesn't annoy you when she asks you what you're thinking. Most women probing into your private thoughts like that would be incredibly annoying but you find you want to share them with her.

If more than a handful of these signs ring a bell with you then it's time to face it, as far as your feelings are concerned, she's probably the real thing — or at least, far more than just a fling.

Dr Pam Spurr MSN's relationship and behaviour expert Dr Pam Spurr is perfectly placed to give you the inside information on how the female mind works. In each month's column, she'll reveal the thoughts that race through a woman's mind at a common crucial moment in any relationship.

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