There are exceptions to these rules. As with all clothes, stick 'em on someone beautiful and they'll look good.
So, yes, put the most devastatingly handsome bloke in a pair of cheap, pointy leather shoes, give him a big, nasty gold chain and let him wear a v-neck which comes down to his navel and he'll still look good, just about. But that guy’s probably not you.
We’re not all Brad Pitt-a-likes so pay attention as we reveal the things men wear that women wish they wouldn't.
Bling bling! Rockin' your jewels like Jay-Z or in the most extreme case Mr T, that's a massive fail. You are not a gangster, your necklace comes from a local Jeweller and why are you wearing women's accessories? Leave accessorising to the ladies.
Ankle length pants
Are you wearing shorts? Are you wearing trousers? No! You are wearing 'manpris'. These are the no-man's-land of the fashion world, a fashion time-bomb waiting to go off. And your ankles just aren't that attractive boys.
You know the type, the one every trend setting wanna-be wears on a Friday or Saturday night with some sort of 'worn' print somewhere on it. The type of thing you buy because you want the world to know you have no fashion sense of your own and you think because you bought it in London or worse, Thailand, that it's cool. It's not. And that slogan you think means something cool? It doesn't.
Pointy ‘leather’ shoes
Nothing says cheap like these. The favourite of toilet attendants and dodgy taxi drivers, these are identifiable from miles away due to their ridiculously pointy toes that endow the wearer with a turning circle akin to a saloon car. Just ridiculous.
Is that a belly button I see before me? Are you trying to attract females with your pecs? And is that fake tan you’re sporting? Cleavage is for girls. You might think you can get away with it, but you'll just end up in competition with the girl you're chatting to. Never a route to success.
This may be a little controversial but let's specify a distinction: there are slim jeans and then there are jeggings. Boys, you are not supposed to have legs skinnier than your girlfriend's. And how do you get them to be loose and too tight all at the same time? It's like they were designed by someone who hates people and clothes and hates you.
Were jeans shorts (jorts) ever fashionable? Even when you were a kid and you cut them off and let them fray and pulled them to bits? No. Hear this, you wear shorts because it's hot outside so you choose nice, breathable denim. Easy really. Can't see how this one can go so horribly wrong.
Remember when you were a kid and your dad would wear sandals with socks and kiss you in front of your mates at rugby training? Was it the kiss or the sandals that made your checks burn? It really doesn’t matter just as long as you remember how totally uncool the sandals were. Some things never change. So, unless you’re a hippy living on a commune growing organic mung beans and communicating with crystals it’s very, very unlikely you could pull the sandaled look off.
Sure, New Zealand is a place of rugged farmland and inclement weather and a good flanny is an essential item for any rural bloke’s wardrobe. But that’s just the thing they’re great for keeping you warm when out on the farm but don’t expect to impress if you take your flanny to town.
To be fair there’s a whole spectrum of track pants ranging from hip and funky to bad and skanky. The funky ones (think Adidas, Mambo and Billabong) can work for super casual occasions like say, first thing on a Sunday morning. The ones that never work are the cheap, ankle elasticised, tandoori stained types that have been lying in the corner of your bedroom for weeks. Do not wear these out. Do not wear them at all. It’s simple gentlemen.