While effort, compromise and understanding are foundations for any good relationship, most people are only going to budge so far until they crack and decide they're giving up too much for someone. These days I've noticed the leeway extended to the opposite sex is becoming more stringent.

It's not just a question of what we'll happily sacrifice for someone else or if we should actually be asked — or forced — to do so in the first place. People are asking, "Why bother putting myself out when I don't need to?"

I'm sure you've all seen mates change overnight to try and keep their woman happy, or even a potential prospect interested. Suddenly one bloke's interest in cars has disappeared. Another's quirky sense of humour has gone, while a life-long dirt biker doesn't hit the track anymore.

A man changing his style, job and hobbies for a woman seems fake and shows no self-worth. It also shows that they didn't think there was anyone else out there, so they reasoned that they'd better hold onto that one girl with an unrelenting grip while folding to her demands at a cost of dignity.

That's one side of the coin, but now we're seeing less of this and more of the other side — people not making even the most basic sacrifice for a relationship. Forget finding a middle ground between doormat (like the examples above) and dominant; basic decency and effort seems to be out the window.

Why is this happening?

I'm thinking choice and availability are the cause. With so many options available via online dating services there's less incentive to make any sacrifices or get to know someone on a greater level. Changing dates is as easy as picking up a fresh case of beer from the bottle shop.

Women will try and have you believe it's the fault of men. Apparently we're all double-dating players that'll only let down our guards so much — until we get what we want — and then we're gone.

It's an interesting point that only has a speck of merit. If girls are innately easier to get into bed, why not just grab one when needed? The only effort required is to follow up some basic online flirting with a nice shirt, a hint of wealth and a few mixed drinks. Why would we bother with more?

I know, that attitude stinks. However, girls' games have reached new levels too, and their focus is aimed solely at wealthy sugar-daddy types that are keen to nourish the girl's shallow conversation then use and discard.

A great deal of women have embraced this level of choice with vigour. They're happy to oblige and then move on to the next guy — and we all know he's waiting on his laptop ready to pounce.

Can you blame that guy for simply taking advantage of an opportunity that's been made available to him? Isn't it a win-win situation for both involved?

Not if you'd like a decent relationship with respect, depth and the possibility of a future. Treating people as interchangeable or disposable objects will most likely come back to bite you sooner or later.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that it's impossible to click your fingers and obtain the idyllic cosy partnership. I also understand it takes a few lousy relationships to filter the good from the bad.

But being in a society where we're inundated with options, can easily obtain a quick thrill with absolutely no effort, and take the attitude that relationships are all too damn hard, we're just going to go around in circles.

So, how do we stop the vicious cycle of jaded and hurt people?

There certainly seems to be more rather than less of them, and there's nothing worse than meeting a date carrying more relationship baggage than a travelling NFL team.

The main thing to remember is this: no person is going to respect you if you don't respect yourself. It doesn't matter if you're the aforementioned poor sap who's given up everything to impress the only girl who likes him, or the boneheaded chick waving the "all men are bastards" flag while playing the field herself.

Good relationships come with a bit of sacrifice and a great deal of honesty. You might not want to chuck it all out there right away and it's understandable that people will have their guard up, especially with all the frauds out there. That aside, if you act smart and with some dignity, minus the games and disdain for everyone you meet, you might just find yourself with someone worth getting to know.

Has extra choice changed how we treat people? How much effort are you prepared to put into a relationship? Have your say below.

Email us at nzmen@msn.co.nz

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