Whenever most of us fail to hurdle one of life's obstacles we find something to put the blame on. If you're not completely unaware, you'll take a look at yourself, realise you could have done something to cushion the blow — or avoid it completely — and vow to correct the mistake. Others will fail to take personal responsibility and continue to repeat the cycle of errors.

Unfortunately, far too many of us fall in that latter category.

It's not always easy, nor is it pretty, but in our times of personal failure — or when our lives feel dormant or unfulfilled — it is best to correct our own wrongs instead of shirking the blame and chastising others for theirs. In essence, I'm talking about self-improvement.

After all, the man you are inside has the greatest influence on your success at work, attraction to women and your self-esteem. Here are a few key areas we can work on to become better men.

Know when to lead
People are drawn to leaders. Whether it's on the sports field, boardroom or just the self-assured way you carry yourself, it's a quality women especially like in men. Just as important, however, is knowing when to tone it down a notch. No-one likes to be strongarmed into anything, and you don't want to be considered arrogant or highly strung. The ability to juggle your forthright and chilled-out sensitive side is essential to being a better man.

Be inquisitive and interesting
Have you ever been called boring or dull? I hope not, because few descriptions are more insulting. Attracting positive elements into your life requires a positive and inquisitive mentality. You should want to learn new things and have an idea what's going on in the world. Without that you'll come across as an uncharismatic shell lacking depth. Read books, watch the news, travel and expand your horizons.

Have goals
Similarly to the above, a lack of goals means a man is unmotivated and without aspirations. Who is drawn to someone like that? Most, in fact, are repelled and will see the guy as dead weight. So, map out a bit of a plan and focus your energies toward achieving it. It doesn't matter if it's a career goal or just to get into better physical shape. Actually, it doesn't even matter if you achieve it, as the best plans frequently fail, but in that instance new doors will open. Be a man, have a plan and reap the unrelated benefits that come from it.

Be honest and genuine
This isn't just related to your communication with others. It starts with being honest with yourself. Be who you truly are, not someone off a production line modelled by trendy window displays. People can spot a fake, and you'll look like one if you're not comfortable and honest with yourself.

Treat others with respect and you'll most likely get it back in return. Sure, it's hard at times with people playing games and manipulating to get what they want, but don't join the club. Be a better man — the one who's above all that rubbish. Genuine qualities go a long way with the people that matter.

Don't be precious
Over-sensitivity isn't a great quality. If you're able to withstand criticism and step back and laugh at yourself every now and then you'll find tough times aren't so tough anymore. Losing those defensive insecure qualities isn't as hard as it seems, and understanding your imperfections prevents you from being an emotional wreck with other people. Accepting fault and personal miscues is a step towards strength, self-awareness and being a good man.

Don't put women on a pedestal
I'll be the first to admit I've stumbled while in the company of a beautiful woman. It's easy for heterosexual men to worship them and completely lose focus. I don't know why this happens, but I do know it's downright geeky, awkward and completely self-destructive. I also know it's a condition easily solved by throwing yourself out there and talking to more people.

So what if she looks like she just strolled out of a fashion shoot? Looking past what immediately hits your eye is the key to bringing some perspective to the situation. Funnily enough, most attractive women get so much attention the fact you don't worship her and offer something different to a salivating pitbull already has you separated from the average Joe.

There's a saying which rings true in these situations: "Act like a doormat, get treated like one."

Help people
This is a small thing, but I personally think it's incredibly important. Being able to put a smile on someone's face is instantly uplifting and the sign of a good person. I'm not suggesting all men should be do-gooders, but attempting to do one selfless thing each day, no matter how minor it may be, is a way of spreading your charm. People notice it, it feels good, and you'll be a better man for it.

Every bloke needs a good look in the mirror every so often and it's a shame it generally occurs only when we've failed miserably at something. Becoming a better man is an ongoing process, but focusing on a few of the areas above should have you heading in the right direction.

What makes a good man? Are there particular traits that stand out? Have your say below.

Email us at nzmen@msn.co.nz

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