MSN NZ
find
going out
Mila Kunis tops porn fan poll
advertisement


Horoscopes

Sports year in review

Sports year in review

2012 was a great year for sport - we look back at the year that has passed and the triumphs and losses we shared together.

  • dating
  • jobs
Posted: 9 months ago by Simon West
11 comments
Rated: |

Should I take the plunge?

Awkward date
It looks like another awkward date for this bloke.
Thinkstock

I'm being pressured into trying internet dating. Common opinion would have me believe that being single and on the wrong side of 30 means my romantic options are diminishing by the minute, and the only way to score a date is via an online service.

I've given it some thought and am not convinced.

I'm in two minds — one is saying it's simply another way of meeting singles, so why not? The other is telling me the whole exercise could leave me rather depressed at the level of "success", or lack of it.

You see, if you're not exactly Romeo with the ladies normally, wouldn't online dating just amplify the problem?

I'll be honest, I've never been brilliant with women. Turning heads isn't something I do. That said, I'm socially capable and can hold a conversation without appearing like Steve Carell in The 40-Year-Old Virgin (And no, I'm nowhere near 40). In layman's terms I'm a fairly average bloke, and therefore one that's more likely to find himself in the 'friends zone' than between a woman's sheets.

Internet dating could put me in a better position for romance, as the person I'd be conversing with would be under no illusions about why I'm chatting to them. At the same time, surely women are more wary of guys online for that very reason.

Related: The pros and cons of internet dating

Am I doing myself a disservice by joining a pack of male sex pests? Or, as I'm far from being one of them, will it provide me with a chance to shine amongst the masses?

Either way, a paid service to meet people doesn't sit right with me. The notion of constantly selling yourself like some job application to a bunch of potential bidders sounds tedious, tiresome and perhaps soul-destroying.

This leads me to another point — where's the romance and twist of fate here? Have I waited too long for these to be factors in my relationships?

As a child I used to enjoy the story of how my parents met. I thought it was cool and I hope to one day have a nice story about how I met my partner. The answer "we met online" has a last-resort feel to it and is enveloped with failure.

I'm sorry, but you can't tell me there's a warm and fuzzy undertone to "we met online". At best two people found each other, and at worst two people have an arrangement due to dead-ends in all other avenues.

Related: Dealing with dating disasters

It all sounds pretty grim and perhaps I'm way off the mark here. If a way to make an unhappy person happy is via the internet, then it's hard to fault it. I just wonder how happy internet dating has made people, because the success stories appear few and far between.

How often have you heard women say that the men online are liars, cheats, players, cads and unable to commit?

Meanwhile, men bemoan the gold-diggers, princesses, daddy's girls and tarts they always encounter.

There's no doubt that a lack of dating success leads to a very warped view of relationships and the opposite sex. But the horrible stereotypes I've just mentioned are becoming far too common, and I feel internet dating is helping spawn these disgruntled points of view.

Related: Are long-term relationships dying?

Is a date better than no date? It all depends who the date is with.

The internet will undoubtedly open the taps to a huge pool of possibilities. I just wonder if I'll sink or swim.

Has online dating worked for you? Share your stories of success or failure below.

Be a fan of NZ MEN on facebook

User comments
i really dont think online dating really works. ive tried it, not the online dating sites but i meet a coupe of guys online in the past. And although there is attraction theres also way to much expectations. i'd love to meet a guy without the internet, but with working nights its very difficult. even if you do go out, by the time you do go out every just wnts to hook up, not get to know you cause they too drunk or over it but that time.
The first time I tried internet dating, I chose a well known site. The time consuming part being creating a profile that was honest and direct about who I was and the type of person I was wanting to meet. I met many people but found the experience frustrating though and began to question whether my stanrds were unrealistic. One person stood out and we eventually met and although we dated for a little while it was not meant to be, however I now count them as one of my best friends. The realisation that perhaps using the internet to find friends rather than specifically looking for a romantic connection was eye opening to me but made the experience alot more enjoyable. Friendships can be found in people who may be quite different from yourself and it took the pressure off and increased my enjoyment. One of those friendships (that rated our compatability at over 70 percent), came to be mean more and after 4 weeks of emails and phone calls we met, 3 months later we married, and still are.
I really enjoyed this article. Being in my mid 30s and single I gave the internet dating a try last year. I signed up to a paid site popular in NZ and got my best friends to help me design a honest profile about myself and included some nice photos from a trip overseas which i did at the start of the year. For 8 months I would spend evenings looking at profiles and messaging girls who I thought would be a suitable match. I'm guessing I probarly messaged around 80 girls in that period and I heard back from only 1 girl who said she wasnt interested. It was very depressing as I believed I was doing everything right. My friends observations was that it seemed the woman on that site had very high and unrealistic expectations and they also queried the honestly on some woman on the site. I know of one couple who meet from online dating but overall it seems the success rate is very low. It back to meet girls at the bar for me However good luck to those who about to give it a go
From experience there is nothing better than meeting someone "normally" and not online. I understand what's being said here and agree with some of the comments, but the internet is a decent avenue to see what's out there. The truth is that a decent woman is only single by choice, otherwise she'd be taken. Beautiful and intelligent women do not stay single!
All the good ones are gone and if theres one who is somewhat attractive she's loving the attention online as she stands out, so she plays one guy off with another. A beautiful waste of time then. Too many women also have a very predetermined plan when they meet on the first date. The first date is very much an interview as they take it very seriously. This just kills any ''romance'' , not to mentuion any adlib conversation which you'd associate by meeting in a bar - the old fashioned way. I wouldn't recommend it other than having a fling between the sheets. Ask yourself guys - if a women is in her 30s and single its for a very good reason. Too picky, too demanding, weird, wanting kids before the relationship, average looking. The list goes on and on. Find a decent women overseas.
Internet Dating can be a minefield to the uninformed and yes there are golddiggers, liars, sleeze buckets et al. However if approached sensibly internet dating can and does work. I came out of a long term relationship and was not keen to go down that road again. As a mature lady going out and meeting people the traditional way I was often seen as being desperate and the perception was that I had the attitude of any bloke between my sheets was better than none so I turned to internet dating. I met some wonderful people had a few bad dates but also some very good ones. Several of the men I met have become good friends. I met the love of my life online. We had an instant connection and got engaged within 3 months of meeting. As long as you choose where to meet carefully and view each meeting as a way to meet a new friend you'll be fine. My advice would be to also chat online and by phone several times before the actual first date to make sure you are at least socially compatible.
For me internet dating was a choice I made actively and with relief. Coming out of a long term relationship I didn't want to have to go out every night looking for the 'right' person. Internet dating helped me to talk a huge variety of people and figure out along the way what I wanted. If you go into it thinking, I'm just going to talk to some people, and have fun and keep your expectations out of it you'd be suprised how much fun it can be. You kind of set up rules for yourself like, if they asked to meet you straight away and didn't seem that interested in getting to know you on-line, I'd wish them well and say see ya! If they made me laugh and we enjoyed our on-line chats then eventually we'd meet up. I was never disappointed, always had fun and loved the experience which ultimately led me to the most amazing person who is now forever in my life.
It depends what site you go on, I was on one and just ended up with people wanting casual flings. I then registered on another and met the guy I now live with, we hit it off straight away and just clicked from the get go. He is the best thing that has happened to me and treats me well. We have been together for two years now and everyday feels like the first. I am normally shy so the internet helped break the ice first. Highly recommend it.
In busy times it's hard to find time to date. Going out and trying to meet people is difficult and online dating allows us to pick someone before actually going out. It really is a great service. I haven't met anyone I've really liked but the chances are greater. If you can't meet people "normally" it's your only option.
Too true but there isnt any other option really. You don't see single hot girls these days because they are taken so the internet is the only way to get a date. The girls are pretty ugly for the most part but getting laid is surprisingly easy. Meaningful relationships are hard to find so you might aswell hit up an easy girl while waiting even if she is ugly.

Write a comment
Email: *
Your email will not be shared with any third parties or published with your comment.
Nickname: *
Location: *

Title:
*
Comment:
*
Maximum characters 1000

Comment guidelines > View full guidelines
Avoid using:
  • Personal attacks
  • Irrelevant comments
  • HTML tags
  • Personal information
  • Offensive language
  • Text in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS
comment guidelines X
Thank you for sharing your opinions with other users of NineMSN. People will find your comments more helpful if you include relevant information and avoid some common pitfalls.
Please note: All reviews and comments submitted are subject to moderation, NineMSN reserves the right to alter and / or remove any content that does not comply with usage guidelines.
What to include in your comment:
  • A title that briefly summarizes the opinion expressed in the comment.
  • Additional comments adding more detail.
  • Comparisons to other similar products, if this is relevant.
  • To create a new paragraph, press the Enter key twice.
What not to include:
  • Information that will quickly go out of date.
  • Comments on other comments or commenters.
  • Language that other users may find offensive.
  • comments of one sentence or less. Provide information to support your opinion.
  • Personal information like your email address or telephone number.
  • HTML coding. Tags like <b> or <i> will not be recognized.